The Need to Cry
by magicallittleme
Summary: Hermione's confused about anything and everything. And then, because of one person, everything is perfect again. That's the best I can do. =)


I huddle to myself as the cold, bitter winds swirl around me. Sitting on a snowbank during a storm wouldn't be the best idea, I suppose. But today, I've given up right and wrong. I just need to be myself. I just need to sort my thoughts out.   
  
"Hermione, get up! You're gonna freeze to death in this cold!" The threatening voice of Ron breaks through my trance. I ignore him. What does he know about anything?   
  
"A few more minutes," I tell myself. "Only a few more minutes, and they'll leave me alone."  
  
I hear the snow crunch beneath their footsteps as they finally leave me alone. Finally. They're gone. I can think now.   
  
And as I do, I feel tears well up in my eyes for no reason at all. Nothing's happened to me, I shouldn't be crying. I reach up to wipe them away and find that they're no longer there. Salty ice crystals have replaced them.   
  
I sigh. Why does this have to happen to me? There's so many things I need to sort out right now, and out of nowhere, this. Why, why, why?   
  
And right when I'm so confused about everything else too. For one thing, I don't feel like studying anymore. I don't know why. I've worked hard all my life. I've always gotten the best grades, been at the top of my class. But now...who knows what will happen.   
  
Maybe it's just all part of growing up. I have to find myself maybe, find out who I truly am. But I'm studious. I have been all my life. While everything else has always changed, that's the one thing that's always stayed the same.   
  
I shake my head sadly, ignoring the cold. And now, that's all changing too. But it can't. I won't allow it too. It's my foundation, the one thing I rely on to stay the same all the time. It the way I am, the way I've always been.   
  
Maybe I count on it too much. I'm trying to discover myself after all. I need to loosen up a bit, maybe, and just forget about everything I used to be. Try to be myself.  
  
But who is truly myself? What am I? I used to love reading and studying, for some reason, but now, I don't. Whenever I look at a book, I just feel like, leaving. Like I never want to see another book in my life. Oh, I'm so confused. It never used to be this way.   
  
This self discovery thing is so hard. Maybe I should just leave it alone. Force myself to act normally. And act like I've never changed.  
  
No! I can't do that. I may be able to fool everyone else, but I can never fool myself. Deep down, I'll know that it's not the real me. I need to find myself, find out who I am.  
  
This is one thing I won't be able to get help on. This is something I have to do on my own. No one else can tell me who I am. It'd all be fake. The worse kind of acting.   
  
Oh who cares! I feel a fit of rage coming on. I've always been impatient, but never this much so. What's happening to me? I don't even know who I am anymore.  
  
That scares me. I steer my mind clear of it and into other areas of confusion.  
  
It won't let me though. That thought always comes back at me.   
  
If I don't know who I am, then who does?   
  
I burst into tears for no reason at all. Maybe it's the stress. Maybe I've just been working too hard lately.   
  
I wrap my arms even tighter around myself and bury my head in my knees. Rocking gently back and forth on the snow, I cry.   
  
I lost all sense of time. Places swirled by, and I was sure hours had passed. And yet I still sat there, just crying away.   
  
I hear footsteps crunch towards me, but I don't bother to look up. It doesn't really matter.   
  
Gentle hands pull me up and lead me away. I can feel that we're not going back towards the school, but in the opposite direction.   
  
I find myself into the Three Broomsticks. Someone thrusts a mug of butterbeer in my hands. I take a sip, and feel a tiny bit better.   
  
I look up, to see who has taken me here.   
  
A pair of solemn grey eyes, framed by tendrils of silver hair watch me. It's Draco.   
  
He smiles at me, and I smile back. The world shifts itself back into place.  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: The peoples belong to JK Rowling.   
  
  
AN: *rereads what she just wrote* Woah. That was....strange. Don't kill me if it's sucky, I wrote it really really fast. But it's not that bad, right? I kinda like it. Review? =)  
  



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